Customer: Hello, Home Warranty Co.? My A/C system broke down. I'd like coverage for it.
Home Warranty person: Do you have a policy with our company?
Customer: No. That's why I'd like one now.
Home Warranty person: But your A/C is already broken?
Customer: Yes.
Home Warranty person: I'm sorry but we don't cover breakdowns that occur before you buy a policy.
Customer: You don't cover preexisting conditions? How cruel! Does the government know about this?
Sick Person: "I could die and I can't afford to pay for my surgery. If only my insurance covered my pre-existing condition."
ReplyDeleteLibertarian: "Get a dictionary, asshole!"
Sick Person: "That doesn't help."
Libertarian: "I'm helping with words! Once I get the language right, we'll see if you're still alive and where you stand with my definitions!"
Sick Person: "That doesn't help."
Libertarian: "The problem is the whole system. We've got revamp the whole thing. Doctors on every street corner with a home-printed doctorate and a great big 'buyer beware' sign and the neighbor's five-star rating for their tooth extraction. We'll have surgery street theater, they'll sell enough tickets to be able to pay YOU for getting the surgery done! Imagine how much that would help the poor -- you sell your organs, you eat like a king!"
Sick Person: "That's horrifying, ethically speaking."
Libertarian: "So you'd rather the poor stayed poor?"
Sick Person: "I just think there are better options. Like I'd rather live with health insurance that has to accept pre-existing conditions than die without it. I mean, I love being alive."
Libertarian: "Well I'm gonna go all TINA on you and ask 'what's love got to do, got to do with it?!'"
Sick Person: "But when will your ideas help me?"
Libertarian: "When people agree with my definitions."
Sick Person: "When will that be?"
Libertarian: "In the unforeseeable future. Use your imagination!"
Sick Person: "That doesn't help."
Libertarian: "But look at how busy and passionate about this issue I am!"
Sick Person: "That doesn't help."
Libertarian: "Only statists get sick!"
Sick person: "I'm not a statist. I don't even know what you mean by that. I live in a country with a government and I'd just rather be alive than dead."
Libertarian: "Alright, I've got something concrete. Come here and let me tell you something."
Sick Person: "Oh...okay."
Libertarian: "You know Walter Block?"
Sick Person: "Vaguely, yeah."
Libertarian: "Give me a hundred bucks and I'll tell him to take care of you. It'll take him a few days to convert it to BitCoin."
Sick Person: "What do you mean?"
Libertarian: "You give me the cash. I let Walter know. You go to the parking lot on the corner of the Fitzhugh and Lincoln intersection - I know, forget that it's named after that traitor to the Southern cause-"
Sick Person: "Wait, what?"
Libertarian: "Just listen. He comes by in a van. It's purple, painted to look like a for-hire clown car for birthday parties. But it's actually his super-secret free black market mobile operation room."
Sick Person: "Isn't he an economist?"
Libertarian: "That's his official cover. This whole time he's been a self-taught surgeon working for the low-income non-insured populace. He takes gifts too. He fixes your ticker, you give him your kidneys or your car - that kinda thing. Completely voluntary contract of free individuals, right?"
Sick Person: "Sounds dangerous."
Libertarian: "'Those who give up their liberty for more security neither deserve liberty nor security!' Know who said that?"
Sick Person: "Benjamin Franklin, but I think it's out of context. Didn't he think commerce was basically fraud?"
Libertarian: "We're about ideas not people!"
Sick Person: "Then why did you ask me who-"
Libertarian: "Wait, I must go! Someone, somewhere just mentioned 'free' vaccinations. TANSTAAFL and away!"
Sick Person: "That doesn't help."
I hope you don't take the above response too literally or as anything with genuine political intent. I honestly began writing a serious response, but then it turned into pure amusement, but I thought I'd share anyway. :)
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